Product Description
From a psychiatrist who has spent the past thirty-five years listening to other people's most intimate problems and struggles, here is a generous and gentle alternative to the trial-and-error learning that makes wisdom such an expensive commodity.

After service in Vietnam, as a surgeon for the 11th Armored Cavalry Regiment in 1968-69, at the height of the war, Dr. Gordon Livingston returned to the U.S. and began work as a psychiatrist. In that capacity, he has listened to people talk about their lives--what works, what doesn't, and the limitless ways (many of them self-inflicted) that people find to be unhappy. He is also a parent twice bereaved; in one thirteen-month period, he lost his eldest son to suicide, his youngest to leukemia.

Out of a lifetime of experience, Gordon Livingston has extracted thirty bedrock truths: We are what we do. Any relationship is under the control of the person who cares the least. The perfect is the enemy of the good. Only bad things happen quickly. Forgiveness is a form of letting go, but they are not the same thing. The statute of limitations has expired on most of our childhood traumas. Livingston illuminates these and twenty-four others in a series of carefully hewn, perfectly calibrated essays, many of which focus on our closest relationships and the things that we do to impede or, less frequently, enhance them. Again and again, these essays underscore that "we are what we do," and that while there may be no escaping who we are, we have the capacity to face loss, misfortune, and regret and to move beyond them--that it is not too late.

Full of things we may know but have not articulated to ourselves, Too Soon Old, Too Late Smart offers solace, guidance, and hope to everyone ready to become the person they'd most like to be.

	Foreword	xv
1	If the map doesn't agree with the ground, the map is wrong	1
2	We are what we do	6
3	It is difficult to remove by logic an idea not placed there by logic in the first place	12
4	The statute of limitations has expired on most of our childhood traumas	18
5	Any relationship is under the control of the person who cares the least	24
6	Feelings follow behavior	28
7	Be bold, and mighty forces will come to your aid	36
8	The perfect is the enemy of the good	41
9	Life's two most important questions are "Why?" and "Why not?" The trick is knowing which one to ask	45
10	Our greatest strengths are our greatest weaknesses	50
11	The most secure prisons are those we construct for ourselves	55
12	The problems of the elderly are frequently serious but seldom interesting	61
13	Happiness is the ultimate risk	68
14	True love is the apple of Eden	75
15	Only bad things happen quickly	80
16	Not all who wander are lost	87
17	Unrequited love is painful but not romantic	91
18	There is nothing more pointless, or common, than doing the same things and expecting different results	95
19	We flee from the truth in vain	101
20	It's a poor idea to lie to oneself	107
21	We are all prone to the myth of the perfect stranger	111
22	Love is never lost, not even in death	115
23	Nobody likes to be told what to do	119
24	The major advantage of illness is that it provides relief from responsibility	125
25	We are afraid of the wrong things	129
26	Parents have a limited ability to shape children's behavior, except for the worse	136
27	The only real paradises are those we have lost	144
28	Of all the forms of courage, the ability to laugh is the most profoundly therapeutic	152
29	Mental health requires freedom of choice	158
30	Forgiveness is a form of letting go, but they are not the same thing	162